Big Eye ... Everything About Nothing

That’s something you don’t often hear, unless of course you live next to a leaking nuclear reactor.

Let me put it to you like this, somebody vomits on your lawn and the grass dies. Yes, the grass dies! Right on the spot covered with vomit. I never thought that possible.

Curious, I Googled ‘vomit killing grass’ but, surprisingly of course, nothing relevant came up. Not in the first thousand pages or so at least. What did come up were hits on sick dogs vomiting, how to clean vomit stains, blah blah blah … blood in vomit … apart from the last match, didn’t seem like the rest of the world had heard of deadly vomit.

Back to my story …

I have a lawn planted from brim to brim with that lovely carpet grass. The type that has to be bought, planted, fertilized, fertilized and fertilised.

One bright sunny day, along comes a toddler … jumping up and down as toddlers often do, gravity got confused, out came … well … out came SOMETHING.

Arguably it was vomit, but as far as I’ve heard, vomit doesn’t burn a hole in carpets of any kind. Carpet grass included.

Before you start calling in the CDC, you know, those people in hazmat suits, it didn’t exactly burn a hole immediately. It just stayed there, a stain, for a whole day or two.

Yes, I did try hosing it down … spreading the joy, huh? It did make the grass look a bit greener too. Doubt that was the watering. I can’t be faulted to think that the grass would actually grow better now, can I? For a while I think it actually did.

Heard about dung fertilizer, why not vomit fertilizer. “Get sick, get a bucket” that would be my brand motto. Pour one cup on of our Super Vommie Ferti and we guarantee a patch of dead, dry, leafless and lifeless grass in a day or two.

I don’t know what his parents were feeding him. What I do know is the next time he’s around and looks like he’s going to barf, I’m holding him up to the wall in the nursery … been putting off stripping off that old paint for ages!